What to do when it all derails…

I don’t handle failure well. But, failure is exactly something that needs to be embraced on this Design Thinking, Experimenting approach to improving one’s life journey.

Failure is simply the opportunity to begin again, this time more intelligently.
Henry Ford

I don’t handle it well because I feel very responsible for getting everything right the first time. It’s not necessarily about being a perfectionist, but rather having very high and specific expectations (which can include imperfections, but maybe not unexpected imperfections). Joel Mark Witt’s article about ENFP Personality Types (which is what I am) calls this out – the need to have things in order. That need makes it difficult to embrace experimentation – cause experimentation and design thinking is basically about testing whether that ‘order’ is right, and chances are, it isn’t, else why would you be experimenting in the first place?

I also don’t handle failure well because I feel ashamed. When I feel sick, I feel guilty. I can’t just let myself be sick – rather, I constantly ask myself, am I really sick? Or am I just being weak and pathetic? I think this is related to my experience with depression and how I’ve managed it. I’ve regarded it as a weakness and a flaw, so when I feel weak because of fatigue or illness, I am quick to question the root cause.

I ‘failed’ these last couple of days – because I didn’t stick these great habits and routines I was developing, because I wasn’t making any progress on my big goals and to-do lists, because I fell back into a number of shitty habits I’m not proud of and that don’t do me any good. And, that all got compounded by the fact that I kept beating myself up over all the failures! Which only made it worse.

Finally, I curled up in bed, with food and a cheese audiobook, and spent most of the next 36 hours there.

The next day I had a sore throat and I was like, hey! I really am sick! Ok, that totally changes things – I thought I was just weak and pathetic because of depression.

Sigh.

So, yeah, things derailed. And guess what, they derail a LOT, and they’re going to derail again and again and again, and I’ll have to start again and again and again. I need embrace the idea of starting again and again. But, with every derailment, there is an opportunity to learn something and try something new.

How do you embrace failure? It might be hard to do when in the moment of failure, but maybe even that perspective is a muscle to flex? There is definitely opportunity to use hindsight differently, less about critical eye on the failure itself, and more of a critical eye on making moments less hurtful. Moments. Not necessarily making everything better, but managing moments better, and not with the lens of trying to avoid failure next time, but just not being so hard on myself when I ‘fail’.

  • There are signals I can learn to read sooner and react to differently
  • There are reactions I have that I could change: thoughts, feelings, behaviors. But it may not be about changing them all, rather making some decisions along the way so I feel safer and feel okay.
  • There are certainly perspectives I have along the way as I step back and ‘evaluate’ myself – and they aren’t exactly very nice.

On the other hand – my reactions work. I’m not necessarily proud of them, but clearly I needed them, or at least needed the outcome.

Still, there are opportunities to fail more gracefully…and more creatively.

Take-away thought to ponder – failing gracefully, what does this mean? Accepting that there are things that cannot be changed? Or just accepting that there always will be failure? Maybe that’s another reason to own our stories; we can look for patterns in failure: are there signals that we should stop trying to change something, or to stop treating failures so painfully like failures?

Accept your imperfections and embrace them as things that make you who you are. No one is perfect, we all know that, so offering up grace to yourself and allowing yourself peace is important. Being hard on yourself is okay, but realizing you are human is also necessary. – Megan Gilger

Week 1 Bits & Pieces

A collection of tips I liked

  • Where do you start? You just start. If you want to do something, do something. – from The Spark & The Art (Creativity Podcast). It resonates a common sense truth that is easily said, but hard to do. But he added something – you keep starting, and maybe it takes a few months. That’s ok.
  • Anything worth doing takes yearsa post on Medium by Jon Wenstenberg. How incredibly refreshing! Just the space this gives you to thoughtfully create, experiment, fail and refine! And with that lens, the realization that you better pick something you enjoy doing.
  • Do something new every day – a principle I’m applying to my life to promote creativity, neurogenesis, surprise. Doesn’t have to be big, but it needs to be new.

Things I’m coming to really understand

  • Creativity, whether drawing, writing, sketching, singing, should be about what YOU want to do, not what you think you have to produce for anyone else. Writing this blog is about writing what I want to write, what I want to learn about, what sparks a fire in me. It’s the conversations I want to have, the things I want to learn. If someone joins in the conversation, that’s awesome. If not, that’s okay too, because I’m still really enjoying the conversation.
  • Flexing new muscles is what builds new skills, opens up new spaces, both practically and perceptually, and you should start with really small, easily repeatable steps. I’ve always wanted to sketch regularly, but struggled with starting and having it come easily. So I started with zentangles – doodles with intent and guidance. Easy to start, easy to repeat, and it gave me satisfaction. Now I’m doodling, sketching, and painting frequently, simply for pleasure

New books I’ve gathered

  • 20 Ways to Draw a Tree: a beautifully simple way to prompt doodles and sketches with different media and styles; a great way to play and explore with your own artistic creativity, no matter the skill.
  • The Neurogenesis Diet & Lifestyle: Recently featured on a  Bulletproof Radio Podcast episode, I had to follow up. Two points in the podcast alone had me hooked: (1) “serotonin deficiency” theory behind depression has been debunked and (2) the mouse experiment demonstrated it wasn’t just one thing that had a big positive impact, but a combination of several things. Both points support a systems thinking lens to better health, not an oversimplified problem-solution lens. This is right in line with Dr. Hyman’s system thinking approach to health with functional medicine. Kudos!
  • Art as Therapy: Appreciating art for how it can tap into your emotions, deliver more meaning, reveal deeper truths.
  • A World of Artist Journal Pages: glimpses into the role art has played in the inner lives of others; both thoughtful and inspirational.

Experiments I’m running

  • Color thinking / art thinking (see blog)
  • New approach to my evening rituals (see blog)
  • Daily blogging – for me. Not to be selfish – but that way I enjoy it, even if no one else stops by. I want it to be a blog that I’d be interested in reading every day.
  • Letting art lead me – to still write about…
  • Letting my story guide me – to be kicked off….

Where things are headed

  • Continue compiling topics that fascinate
  • See what structure and patterns organically evolve and feel good
  • Gradually get to some more unpacking and connecting, eventually to support my Design Your Journey Line project.